Succumb.

2 weeks b4 the end of my industrial.now. i actually spent an hour writing a disclaimer for my blog which i abandoned in weeks. cant blame me. i gain interest as fast as i lose it which kinda sucks cos i wont know stuff im good at. i tot i had an ear for music so i got myself a guitar. that lasted a year. just like this blogging shit. i tot i was a good writer hence the blog. this i relly found out that i sucked. but fuck it. im gonna try writing the way i speak. fuck grammar, fuck spelling and fuck the sensoring on profanities. lets see how long this'll last.
when i was growin up. i tot anybody could be anything they wanted to be. i naturally wanted to be rich. not reeeeelly rich but rich enuff for comfort. i grew up being part of parents fighting about money. fights i wish i wasnt home at that time. fights i felt like it would have been better if summon got murdered. that though slowly faded as i went into upper secondary. i started thinking that great people were just meant to be great. discipline to do summin was magical. people just cudnt bread discipline. so i started becoming lazy. i'd be rich if it was meant to be. and i am meant to be. so fuck studying.
after screwing up stpm, i got into mmu. fucking up first year, i had this roomate. he fucked up worse then i did, got suspended. but moving into second year, he stopped playing and made absolute effort. effort like sleeping at 12, wakin up at 8 every morning, shower n rush to the library and goin fer class and goin back to the lib between classes. ABSOLUTE effort. effort that made a change. got him into the dean's list. effort that made me realize that people can change. that i can choose wat i want to become. i dont deny that luck is involved. when paths cross life can change. but i realized that to make the paths cross, i have to get to the junction.
but i also realize that realization alone is worth nothing without the effort. i also realize that realizing to realize that effort is as important as the realization itself. and so. im at that place, the place where the the road from realization ends and is met with turns. turns towards making an effort and a turn towards lying stagnant. a junction i know im at but im sitting on the head of the journey towards being stagnant, not wanting to travel it but too lazy to get across to the other road. the other path. the path not taken by many, but by the few. the few who are truly great. no matter how small the greatness is. but great for taking that path.they are great.
i know the title is wrongly named, because when i started writing this piece, i had a different intention. a far greater reason but i relly dont know how much intention.
So now i want to make this about me. about what i can do to make me a better me from my perspective. then again if its about me, then there's no reason for me to write this. its for me to know. for me to understand and for me to make effort. but 'ME'. there's a bit of ME in everyone of us. we are at the very core the same. the thing that makes us different is the collection of experiences that we've gained , lived and learned from. hence the ME is us.
Under pressure we succumb. the amount of pressure varies for the ME's. at the stage im at. the pressure is the pressure to be accepted. accepted into the society we belong in/ into the society we want to belong in. we were all just a plain white cloth. during the greek times, strong men were revered. hence every man wanted to be hercules. the age where education prowess is revered, every parent want their child to be a genius. and to be accepted we go great lengths. we succumb to the very principles we had previously thought we would abide by. we become principle-less just to be accepted. we injure our health, we hurt the very people we love. just to be cool. we want to be so cool that sayin "cool" isnt cool. so we say "neat" until that becomes un"neat". we become slaves of ridiculous rules set by a group of people who sit right at the top of the 'trend'-chain. and the worst part is that we succumb to them. well knowing how ridiculous that is. all to be accepted. no, im not saying that i dont do this. im a slave as well. a volunteered slave. i volunteer myself to follow there rules so that people below me on the trend chain would view me as a "trend-setter" and people above would accept me. im not discriminating anybody. take off ur hypocrite hat. there are places where we feel more confident to be us. because they think you're cool. and there are places where you feel less confident because u know people are scrutinizing u. hence youre between people on the chain. youre between 2 values of coolness. youve succumbed to a rule to be accepted and u are making another person succumb to the same rule.
ridiculous. so ridiculous that we think of a person who does not swear as weird.nerd.mama's boy.i too think people who dont swear are weird. im a "succumber".i have "lack of acceptance" disease. we think of a person who doesnt drink as a nerd. person who never smoke as a nerd. if that dude was born during the godly times. he would have been god himself. but no. not now. he will not be accepted into this society. acceptance.
end.